how i was

can you run at your full speed when you turn your head over your shoulder?? tried but ended up hitting a lamp post. tried again and not to the desired direction.gave up.look forward,and full speed i went.

histories.memories. that how i were.maybe how i am.but not going to be how i will be.

i was socially deprived. i am not proud not merely satisfy with the way i interact with another human being. late bloomer can be the term but not the best to describe how i was. upbringing played the main role in the charade of mine.

the not to be indulge neither to be forgoten. its sweet.its bitter. after awhile, the feeling gone. as how it was hardwired, brain learn by experience. misinterpretation happen. its not to avoid,but to do it better.its not to forget,but to get over it.

went through 2 failed relationship. took a year to recover from the 1st one but almost none for the 2nd. now i realize,i didnt do it because i want to.i was poisoned by society.i made believed that its how it supposed to be.reality, i better of on my own. not to hate them.but to 'love' them. tenderly.

but.all of this is the pass.this is how i was.i get over it.and now the time for new me.improved me. better version. the best in the making...

"the past is not your potential"
-aCe-

Yesterday

i never did hate myself. but i never had enough.i want more and more. not mere success can satisfy my need.pure luck cant quinch my thirst. i never complaint about getting lucky.but i want it better.i want to control my luck.i dont want to wait for chance.i want to create chance. i need to change, i have to change. for a better me. for my own satisfaction, for other people benefit. for fuck sake.

"if you keep on doing what you always did, you'll keep on getting what you always gotten"

1st drop

"to feel better about yourself, 1st you have to be better"

-aCe-